Monday, April 23, 2012

Baby Shower Gifts Mama's Don't Think to Register For

Becoming a mother has given me perspective. I used to think I was a great baby shower gift giver. Now that the tables have turned I am not so sure I was that good at it. Baby registries are great. They help ensure that you get the things you want in the colors that you want, but there are some things that mama's just don't think to ask for or even know they will need. Here are some suggestions of gifts that were given to me that were awesome or that I will be sure to give when my friends have babies.

Breast Care Items for the Nursing Mother

Lansinoh Soothies Gel Pads: These are a dream when sore nipples become an issue. They  are provide cooling comfort and they help stop the friction of fabric on your nipples. You can even put them in the fridge for extra cooling relief. 

Lansinoh Soothies Gel Pads - 1 pair
Nuk Reusable Nursing Pads: These are wonderful because they do not have the plastic backs that allow moisture to build us and grow bacteria and yeast. You can also machine wash them in hot water with bleach to get them extra clean. They are thin but effective. 
NUK Reusable Nursing Pads, 6 Pack

Palmer's Nursing Butter: This nipple cream is amazing and it is inexpensive. It is also safe for baby so you don't have to worry about washing it off before feeding. 
Palmers Palmers Nursing Butter Tube - 1.1 oz

Misc. Items

Mesh Lingerie Wash Bag: I know you are wondering why would I suggest this? She just had a baby there will be no lingerie wearing anytime soon! Get your head out of the gutter this is not for lingerie. It is for all those little baby socks, little baby mittens, reusable nursing pads, and even little hats that will get lost in the laundry and eaten by the dryer! You might have to put a note on it so that she knows what it is for because she will most like not think of this herself... 
Honey-Can-Do LBG-01145 Lingerie Wash Bag, White
Button Down the Front or Wrap in the front Night Shirt: This was a suggestion that was given to me by a good friend right before I had my son. A button down night shirt (or wrap front) is great for when you are in the hospital. You will not want to wear the hospital gown if you can help it and you won't want anything on your waist right after the baby is born. If the new mama is planning on nursing it is easy to open up to nurse and it will serve her well all through her nursing experience. A nice touch to this gift would be to add matching slippers and robe. 


Cotton Yoga Pants: This seems like an odd gift I know but if mama had a c-section, yoga pants are going to be the only thing that feels comfortable. When I first got out of the hospital I didn't have any pants that I could wear. My maternity pants were too big and falling off and my pre-pregnancy pants were too tight! I went to Old Navy and asked the sales for show me all the elastic waist pants in the store. When I explained that I had just had a c-section she was suggested yoga pants...she was an angle! I suggest cotton yoga pants over Lycra because they are not as form fitting and are a little more comfortable for lounging in. 

Product Details

Netflix or Blockbuster Total Access Gift Certificate: This is a great gift to give because new mother's spend a lot of time at home and cable T.V. can get very boring rather quickly. She will be too tired to read, and to overwhelmed to go to the video store. This will give her a chance to catch up on all the latest movies and be entertained at the same time.

The Truth About Breastfeeding- My Unfiltered Journey

I recently had an expectant mommy ask me about breastfeeding. She knew that I was passionate about it and a big supporter of it. She also knew that I had faced challenges with it and wanted to know "the scoop" on breastfeeding. This is my response to her and to all soon to be Mama's.

I had some heads up that breastfeeding would not be easy. I was aware of the drastic change it would make to my lifestyle and to my body. I was aware that it was not going to come like second nature. I was even prepared for rejection and condemnation from those who are uncomfortable with public breastfeeding. However, knowing all of this did not prepare me as much as I had hoped that it would.

Breastfeeding Is Not Easy

Super passionate breastfeeding advocates don't want you to know this. Maybe they think that if you know from the beginning that it can be difficult you wont do it. Maybe they fear that the already low number of breastfeeding mothers will drop even more if they are honest with us from the beginning. I seek honesty and the truth and so I am going to be honest. BREASTFEEDING IS HARD!

Yes, there is something instinctual about it which I think helps tremendously. There is a reason why Lactation Consultants exist and why they cost so much money. Breastfeeding is hard. It requires training of both you and the baby. It requires patience and more than a little finesse. Sometimes it requires equipment. We don't live in communities of extended families anymore where there are multiple generations of females living in the same house, who are there to provide council when you need it. As in my case, my grandmother is no longer living but even if she were she bottle fed all three of her children. My mother breastfed for the first couple of weeks but for many reasons didn't breastfeed longer than that. Formula feeding has been popular just long enough that we have lost knowledge of this art (yes, it is art). The thing I think lactation consultants give that is more important than any tips, tricks or equipment reviews, is confidence. Once you have the confidence you need to battle through the first couple of difficult months you are golden.

The first months are filled with trial and error. You have to face breastfeeding with a "can do attitude" and you have to be creative. This is where I think knowledge becomes power for the breastfeeding mother. The more you know about it, the more suggestions and tips you know, the easier it is going to be to try something new when you hit a bump in the road and things are not working. I can recall several times when my husband was on the computer Googling an issue and giving me feedback on what the web suggested to do to solve the problem. We used all the tools we had and I couldn't be afraid to try something new.

My son went on a Boobie Strike just a few days after we came home from the hospital. I don't blame him the bottle was a lot easier to eat from than my boob (which was bigger than his head at the time). He would scream bloody murder when I would try to put him in position to feed. He would push away from me and turn his head. I felt like I was wrestling with my newborn and it was breaking my heart. I felt rejected by him and I was afraid of damaging my relationship with him. This was a time when my husband was Googling and my son and I were crying. We even went to the doctor and explained the traumatic feeding ritual that we were going through. The doctor checked us both out and pronounced that my son was being stubborn and was a lazy eater! The doctor suggested pumping until my milk let down and then latching him on. He also suggested no perfume, body spray, smelly lotion, and even deodorant until the problem was resolved. Since smell is one of the ways babies identify their caregivers these artificial smells could be confusing him and keeping him from wanting to latch on. It turns out that we had read all these things online...

When my son was about two weeks old the sore nipples hit. I had two very dear friends of mine who encouraged me and told me that it would get better. I had to power through, sometimes I still have to power through. Being is pain is never fun but with the help of nipple creams and a great breast pump I had the tools I needed to see myself through the uncomfortable times. The nipple soreness does go away but sometimes a bad latch and/or a too hungry baby can be just the right combination and I am a little sore again. The best thing I can do for myself these days is care for my nipples and breasts. This includes a good nursing bra. I think good breast care will see you through a lot of challenges in breastfeeding. At around three months my milk supply evened out and I stopped becoming engorged. I also make sure that I pump before I go to bed so that I do not wake up with engorged boobies at some ungodly hour.

Your Breasts and How the World Sees Them

I have already written a blog about public perception and breastfeeding. My opinion still stands that many mama's give up on breastfeeding because not only is it difficult and time consuming, but also because the world is cruel to you about it. Even within families, where a new mama should be safe and encouraged, disagreements can bubble up over it.

The trouble is that we do not live in a world where we supply this type of confidence to our mothers. Girls are told from the beginning that their breasts are sexual, that they need to hide them and never let anyone touch them. Then when they become teenagers media encourages girls to "put them out there" and let the world see their assets. If yours happen to be small than you should get them enlarged so that more people will like you. When you become a mother their true purpose if finally revealed and you are again asked to hide them and never let anyone see you feeding your child with them. How confusing to be a girl.

I have to admit that I really hate covering up when I am in public and trying to feed my son. I do it, not because I think it is the right thing to do, but because I want to avoid nastiness from others about it. I am simply avoiding conflict. Getting into a yelling match with a stranger in pubic is not the values I want to teach my son and honestly it wouldn't solve anything. I have flashed a few people by accident, but I am also dealing with a squirming little boy who is hungry. My son thinks my breasts are great, they feed him, they comfort him, and they are a great place to take a nap. He holds them, pets them, and even rubs his face in them in public, often while I am talking to someone. He will even randomly pull my shirt down on his own now when he is wanting a snack. He doesn't know that the rest of the world has a problem with seeing them and would deny him these natural needs and comforts if they could.

All of My Son's Problems are Solved at My Breast

This statement really says it all. If my son is tired, hungry, scared, hurting from a vaccine or bump on the head, uncertain, over stimulated, crying or unhappy for any reason my breasts solve it all for him. All I have to do is latch him on and there is instant calm. They give him much more than food they give him peace. How I wish there was somewhere I could go and have instant peace. When my son gets his vaccines I latch him on as soon as I can. If I can't comfort him any other way, I latch him on. If he is tired and fighting sleep, I latch him on. All I have to do in put him in the right position and show him my nipple and he begins to quite. It is amazing. It is wonderful and I believe exactly has God intended it.

When I took my son to our first Mommy and Me Yoga class it was overwhelming. There were 16 moms and 17 babies in the tiny room. It was noisy. It was hot. It was chaos. Nothing I did would get my son to quiet for very long. After about 30 minutes we were both struggling. I stopped rocking him and trying to distract him with toys and I just sat right down on my mat and nursed him. We both calmed down almost immediately. He drifted off to sleep and I took my first deep breath.

I don't know how I would be able to provide that kind of comfort to my son if I didn't nurse him. I don't know how that works if you bottle feed. I am sure that there is a way and that mama's figure it out. I just praise God that I am able to provide this to my son. It is moments like the one in our yoga class that make all the other struggles worth it. It makes sore nipples and engorgement a lot less of a trial.

Pumping It's Not Just For Cows and Plumbers

One of the best things I did when my son was born was start pumping right away. I started pumping within 12 hours of his birth. I didn't just nurse him, I pumped for 10 minutes after he was done (5 mins for each side). I continued to do this until my supply came in. Since my son was little and a lazy eater pumping allowed me to build a supply that still supports his eating needs and even gives me extra milk for storage. At four months pumped twice a day (in the morning after he eats breakfast and at night before I go to bed). At seven months I pumped once a day (before I went to bed) unless I know I am going to be away from him and then I pump before I leave. Occasionally,  I feel like I need to pump. There are several books that will tell you that you don't need to pump until you are going back to work and some books will say you don't need to pump at all. I say start pumping right away to help build your supply and establish a store of milk. It also helps relieve engorgement. I have written a blog on the pump that I use if you want to know my opinion on that.

Breastfeeding Is Time Consuming

Yes, breastfeeding is a time suck! No pun intended... The first two months of my sons life were the most challenging. We lucked out with my son because he wanted to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours. When he growth spurted he would eat closer together. By the time he was a month old he would sleep 6 hours at a stretch during the night. The first two months though, I felt like all I did was feed my son and pump. It was hard to go places. By the time I finished feeding him, got myself ready and both of us in the was almost time to feed him again. When he was about three months old things began to even out and he could go a little longer between feedings. By four months he was sleeping 7-8 hours at night and could usually go 4-5 hours unless he was going through a growth spurt. Between feeding and pumping I was not able to get much done. I still have to keep in mind my sons feeding schedule and I have to stay aware of how long I am away from him.

There is an App that I downloaded for my phone that helps you record how much time you spend nursing and pumping. It was about 8-9.5 hours of my time. Breastfeeding is a full time job. I can understand why employers are so upset about lactating mothers returning to work. By law a lactating mother has to be given the accommodations to to pump. She has to also be given the time to pump without penalty. Considering that pumping can be time consuming. I also understand why mother's stop breastfeeding when they return to work. Working and breastfeeding would be an incredibly hard balance.

Even though breastfeeding is time consuming I remind myself that this is one on one time with my son. One day soon he is going to be a big boy and he won't want to cuddle with mama. One day all too soon he will be a teenager who won't want to hug me or be seen with me anymore. There will one day come a day when he has a problem I can't fix. Before I know it he will be an adult and going off to college and moving away from home. I will do my best to cherish our nursing time, this time that I get him all to myself. This time when I am able to solve all the troubles he faces in his world and I will be thankful for this time.

Responses From Others About Breastfeeding Abilities

I have found myself having conversations with women who either have children and did not breastfeed or women who have not had children yet about breastfeeding. What I have discovered is that there are many women who will make "excuses" (I am not intending to be condescending) for why they didn't breastfeed or why they don't think they will. I have heard such things as "I am not expecting to be able to breastfeed because my mother couldn't.", "My sister didn't make enough milk so I don't think I will be able to either", or "I didn't think my baby was getting enough to eat."  My personal favorite has been "My breasts aren't big enough." 

Women are made to feel that they must give some justification as to why they are not breastfeeding. What I hear when women tell me these their reasons for not breastfeeding or why they think they can't breastfeed is a lack of confidence. It also seems to me that women are told by society that they are not good enough and so when it comes to breastfeeding it is easy for us to believe that we are not good enough to do this as well; that our bodies have failed us in meeting the expected standard yet again. I know that some women have medical reasons why they cannot breastfeed and I completely understand. This is not intended for you. What I think mama's really need is confidence, resources, and a commitment to give it your best shot! 

There are many things you can do for low milk production. From increased water consumption and teas to prescription medication. There are pumps to encourage things a long, there are special devices to put on your nipples if they are inverted or flat, there are nurses that will come to your home and coach you. In some areas there are even nursing mothers support groups. If you really want to nurse you just have to want to do it and be willing to try everything to make it work. If you have to give your baby formula so that they get all the nutrition the need that's okay, but you can still give them what milk your body does produce, even if it is not much.

We live in a world that makes everything easy for us. In the hospital they gave my son formula and it broke my heart. When the nurses weren't around I nursed him and when they were around insisting that he be given formula my husband gave him the bottle and I pumped. They even sent us several days worth of formula home. Some how I ended up on a mailing list and was mailed several canisters of free formula. It would have been very easy to simply make a bottle. I would have gotten more sleep. Our first month would have been a little less stressful but I personally could not give up. I was determined to nurse my son.

I believe in my heart, medical conditions aside, that if you really want to nurse your child you can. However, if you don't really want to nurse that's okay too but own that. Don't make excuses, no one expects you too. It's okay if nursing isn't your thing but be honest with yourself about your reasons.

So Why Do I Breastfeed...?

I recently read a blog by a woman who had nursed all three of her children. She was not writing to encourage mothers to breastfeed. She was writing to tell them that they had been lied to by health care professionals and that all the studies they had done to prove that breast-milk was better than formula was flawed. She stated that she believed breast-milk wasn't really all that better than formula. She went on to state that women who consider breastfeeding free don't value their time, that it causes inequality in marriages,  in sets women back in the workplace, and that it keeps women from doing any work of real worth. I could state lots of reasons why women should breastfeed. I could throw study after study at you to prove my point, one way or the other, but there isn't a single study that represents why I breastfeed.

I breastfeed because I am a mother. My opinion of becoming a mother is that it is the greatest act of humility and submission. I must humble myself enough to put myself last and my child first. I must submit to the needs of my child and my family. This often means putting my own wishes and desires aside for the greater good of my child. Speaking about women in terms of submission and humility are inflammatory for most feminists. However, as a Christian woman I strive to be humble and to fully submit to the will of God. I still fall short of these characteristics. My son, however, has taught me a tremendous amount about what humility and submission really mean. I do not worry about my career or about money because these things are not really important. I do not worry about inequality in my marriage because my husband and I both have strengths and we both have weaknesses. Together through Christ we are made whole. Being whole is more important to me than being equal. Breastfeeding my son connects me to something greater than myself. It connects me to all of my female ancestors. It connects me to God in a special way because I truly understand what it means to grow and nurture a very delicate and precious child. It connects me to my creator and reminds me that He is a better planner than I am.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Infant Toys 0-6 months & A Few My Son Loves

So the first month or so with your little person is exhausting. There is not much time for anything but feeding, diaper changes, laundry, and if you're lucky napping. However, when your little one starts to be awake more you find yourself staring at them wondering what you are going to do with them. When they are awake longer and ready for some stimulation it is time for play and toys.

I have a Mama confession, we didn't really have any toys for our son when he was born. We had some stuffed animals, and of course books...but one of the things we didn't get at the baby shower were toys. My son was born right before Christmas so Santa brought a couple of fun things but for the most part we didn't have much for him. This lack of baby entertainment became a much bigger issue when my husband went back to work and I was at home, alone, with the baby. I soon found myself confronting the infant toy section and I was a little lost...There wasn't all that much being offered in the 0-3 months range either. What would he find amusing and what would also be stimulating? What toys would grow with him and be his friends longer than a couple of months?

These are some of the questions I asked before I bought a baby toy:

1. How long is he going to be able to play with this toy? Is he going to out grow it quickly or will it grow with him and provide multiple months of fun?

2. What types of stimulation does this toy provide? Not all toys are as stimulating as others. Play time should be fun but it should also be educational. Does this toy have lots of colors (sight), textures (touch), make noise (hearing), require manipulation (cause and effect, hand eye cordination)?

3. Can I/ How do I clean this toy? Babies slobber, they spit up, and yes...poop happens....Can I sanitize this toy they way it should be sanitized? Can I put it in the washing machine or dishwasher?

4. How easy is this toy to transport? Is it easy to throw in the diaper bag or car to take with us?

5. How easy is this toy to store? Can I throw it in a basket or fold it up in a closet?

6. Is the cost of this toy equitable with the amount of time it can be used? Does it require batteries?

What I found in my research is that many baby toys look great but when put to the test they just don't make  sense financially. It also baffles me how many baby toys are difficult to clean. There are a few toys that I found simply by having my son in the store with me and seeing if I got a positive reaction from him when I presented it to him. Now if you have time I also suggest reading parent reviews of products before you buy. Sometimes, not always, someone will mention a negative aspect of the toy that you did not consider or that would not work for you.

Here are some toys I have found very useful and that my son loves:
*The toy name is a link to the toy in Amazon.

Sassy Wrist/Ankle Rattles: This toy helps the baby become aware of their feet and hands. The noise catches their attention through hearing and the image captures their sight. Although this toy is said to be for the wrists I have put them around my sons ankles when he is in his car seat to entertain him. He likes hearing them when he kicks.
Sassy 2 Piece Wrist Rattles Set, Styles May Vary
Jittery Bird by Infantino: This toy has lots of texture and color. It also vibrates when it is pulled down from the ring. When my son was smaller he liked to watch the feet dangle. Now that he is older he likes chewing on the feet and legs. The wings are also filled with crinkle material that my son likes to play with. He also gets a big kick out of the vibrating and this particular feature has been good when he has need a distraction.

Infantino Mouse or Duck Jittery Pal Toy, Styles May Vary

Infantino Barn Babies Teething Toy: I personally love this toy and the noise it makes. My son loves the noise as well and has gotten many smiles and giggles. The teething rings on the feet of the toy make it a great transitional toy. It also different textures and many colors. My son really enjoys exploring this toy (it too has crinkle material in the arms) and it is also great for redirecting behavior and attention.
Infantino Barn Babies Teether Toy

Tummy Time/Back Time Activity Center by Fisher Price: There are a lot of tummy time and activity mats out there. They also range greatly in price. I chose this mat because the piano will flip up when my son is able to sit up and play. The toys (except the mirror) come off so that you can take them along. My son loves kicking the piano both on his tummy and on his back. When he is bored with tummy time I can flip the overhead activity bar down so that he has the toys on the floor with him and he can still see himself in the mirror. The mat is also machine washable. This mat had the greatest longevity of the mats I looked at and has been very entertaining for my son.

Fisher-Price Discover 'n Grow Kick and Play Piano Gym

1-2-3 Crawl Snail by Fisher Price: This is a very fun toy! When my son is doing tummy time he is able to see himself in the mirror and when the snail is bumped (even gently) the face lights up and it starts to sing. This toy give baby a lot of incentive to reach out and touch it encouraging both hand eye coordination and crawling. When the snail is tapped from the front or back it rolls away. This makes my son giggle and positively challenges him to go after it!
Fisher-Price Go Baby Go! 1-2-3 Crawl Along Snail

Nuby Teethers: The teethers are marked to be for 6 months plus, however, my son started having a chewing need at 3 months. At 4 months I found these and let him give them a try. You be the judge of weather of not your child is ready for them earlier than what is suggested on the package. There are a couple great features about these theethers. One of the best features is that they come in a plastic carrying case to help keep it clean. They offer multiple textures for chewing and two different thicknesses (the yellow is softer and the orange harder) for chewing stimulation. The hand shaped one is great I am able to replace my sons hand for the toy! They are easy to hold and the ring allows me to put a leash on it so that we do not loose it!!! They were inexpensive and so far well worth it!!!
Nuby Natural Touch Step 3 - Yellow/orange
Infantino Tag Along Chimes: I discovered these while trying to entertain my son at Toys R' Us while waiting for a employee to find the product listed below. He liked these the best of all the chimes and I must say that I agree with him. He really enjoys the chime sound they make and my husband had used the velcro feature to attach the chime to my sons wrist..oh the things that happen when Mama leaves the baby with son still loved them. I have also attached them to the pegs of the head rest on the seat and they dangle and chime while I drive. I do not attach them to the baby carrier if we are in the car because this is hazardous in case of an accident! These are one of my greatest finds and I will replace them immediately if they ever get lost! 
Infantino Tag Along Chimes
Summer Infant Super Seat: This seat is awesome! This is a toy that truly grows with the child. It helps baby learn to sit up on their own and provides great support for them when they are still a little weak on their own. The toys are stimulating and engaging. it is easy to clean plastic and foam. There is a foam liner inside the seat for when baby is smaller and the liner pulls out when baby is bigger. When baby is ready to sit at the table the ring detaches and the straps to your dinning room table chair and becomes a booster seat!!!

Summer Infant Super Seat

Taggies Peek-A- Boo Blanket: Let me start with this: We have two of these...the Buddy the Pat a Pup and Boo-Boo the Cuddle a Cub (which was purchased while on vacation as a replacement for Buddy who was accidentally left in the dryer at home). To say my son loves this blanket is an understatement. He likes to rub his nose in the softness, he likes to cuddle with it, and he likes sucking and chewing on the ribbons around the edge. Traveling in the car, nap time, and new experiences are not quite as smooth or peaceful with out his Taggie Blanket. The instructions say not to put it in the washer or dryer....I wash it on cold and dry it on low heat and it is just fine...don't forget and leave it in the dryer while on vacation though...=)  

Friday, April 13, 2012

A Little Commentary on being a Stay At Home Mom

The debate over Stay At Home Moms still rages. We as a society may never agree to disagree on the topic. We women even fight among ourselves about working or staying at home. The current political climate and resulting comments from Hilary Rosen have sparked arguments anew. Since I am new to my SAHM identity I find the conversations and opinions of others rather interesting. I can say that often people who support working mothers seem to be misguided that it is much easier to leave your child in daycare all day and work. These are oftentimes people who are not parents and have never had to face leaving their child with someone else. They also seem to see women who stay at home as quitters who are happy to have "an excuse" to take the "easy way out" of the work force. The same seems to be true of those who support SAHMs, they also seem misguided in thinking that SAHMs spend their days playing, watching TV, reading books, shopping, and cooking gourmet meals for the family. To this I have one response: since my son was born I was read one book (it was on parenting) and I read it the first month he was born and my husband was home on paternity leave. I have cooked 2 meals in which I had friends over to eat...and I planned meals that didn't require much of me or my husband was home to watch the baby. Some days I don't get a shower, because my son doesn't take a nap, until my husband gets home from work...and when my husband was on business trips I showered late at night sacrificing sleep or put his bouncy chair in the bathroom and had to listen to him cry while I speedily washed the required areas. I don't get naps and when I shop I do so with a plan, with coupons (that I sacrifice sleep to cut), a budget, and during a sale. I also have to shop quickly because my son has very little tolerance for shopping and still eats every few hours. I do play, but this is play with a baby and while fun for him leaves me feeling unfulfilled.

Before my son arrived I wanted to stay home with my son because I knew that it was the best thing for him. No one that I pay is going to love my son as much as I do and unless they are family they are not going to teach him the morals and values that my husband and I want him to learn. Now that my son has arrived and I proudly wear the badge of Mommy, I have different outlook. It is the best thing for my son that I am home, he is safe with me, he is breastfed, he is loved all day long and given my full attention. I love him so much that I cannot leave him with someone who does not love him too. That being said, I have days when I miss teaching.  When I was valued in society as an educator and managed 160 teenagers a day. I miss the pay check and the gratification it gave me to know I had contributed to the household income. Mostly I miss adult conversation...In short being a SAHM is the hardest job I have ever had. I don't get paid in paychecks but I am rewarded when I am there to see my son accomplish milestones like giggling, rolling over, crawling, and walking. I get to see it first!    

I do not however judge a woman who returns to work after her child is born. Being a SAHM is not for every woman just as being a working mom is not for every woman. We make the decision that is best for us and best for our families- bottom line. Why can't we be supportive, respectful, and loving of one another?  

Some Articles to Ponder on the Comments made by Hilary Rosen

Why We Still Have the Stay-At-Home- Mom Debate by Ann Brenoff

Hilary Rosen's War on Ann Romney and Stay-At-Home- Moms by Peter Bella